this is my therapy

you knew i would

never win.

you knew

full well

when you pulled

me in.

there was

absolutely

no way

that i could

cross the

finish line

carrying the weight

of every one

of your past

relationships,

trauma,

and expectations

on my shoulders.

i tried.

my god,

i tried,

but it was

quicksand.

the quickest

sand.

every one of

my words

analyzed

and compared

to what the others

did.

i couldn’t explain.

i couldn’t apologize.

i couldn’t redeem.

that’s not

how these things

should work.

love

is two

imperfect beings

who won’t give

up on each other.

i wish it

was love.

for me,

it was.

i wish

you would

have trusted me.

i wish

you would

have understood.

as a man,

i was good.

damn,

i was good.

you knew it,

you said it,

but you had no

intention

of letting me win.

now we sit

in a pile of

ashes,

jabbing

each other

with no purpose,

but to sting

and feel

something,

anything

at all.

my god,

how far we’ve

fallen,

unnecessarily.

my strength

was my weakness.

payback

for everyone

that’s come before

and chosen to

bury you

instead of lifting

you,

like the

fucking goddess

you were

to me.